Kami naik karena itu menyenangkan.
Dan terutama itu menyenangkan.
Itu semua yang pernah kita lakukan.
Dan kami cukup anarkis dan cukup bertanggung jawab,
dan kami tidak peduli tentang orang lain atau apa pun,
dan kami hanya ingin mendaki dunia. Dan itu menyenangkan.
Itu hanya brilian menyenangkan.
Dan setiap sekarang dan kemudian pergi liar salah. Dan kemudian itu tidak.
Masuk ke Peru ketika saya masih 25, Simon 21.
Tapi kami telah melakukan banyak memanjat di Pegunungan Alpen.
Untuk mendaki gunung yang belum naik sebelumnya, atau rute baru di gunung
adalah apa yang hidup pendakian telah bergerak menuju.
Seorang teman kami, yang telah melakukan menakjubkan jumlah memanjat di Amerika Selatan
telah melihat wajah ini di pertengahan 70-an.
Saya pikir dia mengatakan akan menjadi hari yang menantang keluar.
Itu gunung besar terakhir hadapi dalam kisaran ini dari pegunungan,
yang belum naik.
Ada yang tidak diketahui besar di sana.
Apa yang begitu menarik adalah melangkah ke yang tidak diketahui itu.
Itu adalah tempat yang terisolasi, 2 - Hari berjalan kaki dari jalan.
Gunung-gunung di sekitar tampak sangat besar,
dibandingkan dengan pegunungan Aku pernah melihat di Pegunungan Alpen.
Kami akhirnya mencapai tempat, pada pendekatan ke Siula Grande.
Anda tidak bisa benar-benar mengambil keledai lebih jauh dari titik ini.
Saya kira itu akan menjadi 7-8 km dari bagian bawah gunung.
Kami tahu Siula Grande berada di belakang, tapi kami tidak melihatnya.
Kami akan bertemu pemuda ini bernama Richard Hawking di Lima. Dia telah bepergian sendiri.
Dan saya pikir kami berkata, "Mengapa tidak Anda hanya bergabung dengan kami di perjalanan kami? "
Saya pikir dia mengatakan bahwa dia tidak tahu apa-apa tentang gunung.
Aku tidak benar-benar tahu apa panci minuman aku masuk
atau cukup, apa yang saya membiarkan diriku untuk.
Kami ingin Richard karena ketika kami berada di gunung,
jika ia berada di base camp dia bisa menjaga kit kami.
Aku harus tahu Simon cukup baik.
Saya tidak tahu apakah itu karena kepribadiannya,
atau apakah itu karena dia adalah lebih pemaaf terhadap saya,
menjadi non-climber dalam lingkungan tersebut.
Tapi saya merasa sangat sulit untuk mengenal Joe.
Aku jauh lebih ambisius melakukan hal itu daripada Simon.
Siula Grande berarti banyak.
Kami tahu, sejumlah ekspedisi telah gagal di atasnya.
Jika tidak ada yang mencoba, tidak akan persis sama.
Ini adalah fakta bahwa orang-orang mencoba dan gagal, jadi kami tahu itu sulit.
Dan perasaan saya, "Yah, kita akan lakukan saja. Kami lebih baik dari mereka. "
Sejak 1970-an orang telah mencoba untuk memanjat
gunung dalam rentang yang besar dalam apa yang disebut "Alpine gaya".
Dan pada dasarnya, Alpine gaya berarti Anda pak ransel
penuh dari semua pakaian Anda, Anda makanan dan peralatan pendakian Anda,
dan Anda memulai dari base camp dan Anda mencoba dan mendaki gunung
Anda akan naik di push tunggal.
Anda tidak memperbaiki garis tali menanjak sebelumnya,
Anda tidak memiliki satu set kamp bahwa Anda persediaan dan turun dari.
Itulah gaya paling murni dan itulah gaya bahwa Joe dan saya telah naik Siula Grande.
Ini adalah cara yang sangat melakukan pendakian, karena Anda tidak memiliki garis mundur.
Jika ada yang salah, itu bisa sangat sangat serius.
Tidak ada penyelamatan, tidak ada helikopter menyelamatkan dan tidak ada orang lain.
Tidak ada margin untuk kesalahan.
Jika Anda mendapatkan terluka parah, you'I mungkin mati.
Saya tidak melihatnya dari ini sudut, dan itu tampak curam.
Saya semacam berpikir, Anda tahu, "Kristus, yang besar".
Tampak sulit daripada yang saya berpikir dan dari yang saya harapkan.
Tapi aku sangat senang.
Mulai melakukan itu brilian.
Ini adalah apa yang kita hidup.
Saya suka gerakan yang sebenarnya dari pendakian.
Ketika Anda memanjat dengan baik itu hanya terasa brilian.
Ini seperti kombinasi antara balet dan senam.
Ini yang campuran kuasa dan kasih karunia.
Bagi saya, gunung-gunung yang paling tempat indah di dunia.
Ketika saya pergi ke tempat-tempat ini saya merasakan rasa menakjubkan ruang,
rasa yang luar biasa kebebasan, ketika saya pergi
dari semua kekacauan yang kita miliki di dunia ini.
Saya pikir kami terkejut diri sebagai kita bangun icefield sekitar 300 m,
dan bangun ke titik di mana es berjalan melalui band rock,
dan Anda punya cascades vertikal.
Kami mulai rumit mendaki melalui ini.
Kenyataan, bahwa Anda terikat dengan pasangan Anda,
berarti bahwa Anda menempatkan sejumlah besar percaya dalam keterampilan dan kemampuan orang lain.
Namun di beberapa titik, Anda mungkin berpikir,
"Demi Tuhan, Simon, tidak jatuh di sini, demi Tuhan, jangan jatuh di sini "
Tali dapat menjadi sesuatu yang lebih daripada menyelamatkan hidup Anda, bisa membunuh Anda.
Jika pasangan anda jatuh maka semua gigi ini robekan keluar, kau mati,
kau akan pergi bersamanya.
Jika Anda akan melakukan semacam mendaki di beberapa titik Anda akan harus mengandalkan
sepenuhnya pada pasangan Anda.
Saya pikir kami sangat senang pada akhir hari pertama.
Kami telah melakukan banyak tebing, Naik baik.
Dan kami sangat percaya diri pada titik yang harus kita buat itu.
Ketinggian itu, Anda dehidrasi sangat.
Anda harus minum banyak cairan, 4-5 liter berarti sehari.
Dan satu-satunya cara Anda dapat mendapatkannya, adalah dengan salju yang mencair.
Semuanya begitu memakan waktu.
Untuk membuat minuman tunggal pada saat itu ketinggian membutuhkan waktu yang sangat lama,
Anda mungkin melihat satu jam hanya untuk membuat beberapa cangkir.
Untuk alasan itu, kami mungkin tidak menyeduh up sebanyak yang kita harus lakukan
tapi kami tidak memiliki banyak sekali gas cadangan dengan kami, baik.
Tidak ada banyak risiko dalam kehidupan kita biasanya sekarang.
Dan untuk menempatkan unsur risiko kembali ke dalamnya membawa kita keluar dari membosankan itu.
Dalam arti bahwa, itu membuat Anda merasa lebih hidup.
Aku belum pernah yang tinggi sebelum, dan itu
sangat sangat berat memanjat es seperti itu.
Tidak hanya itu secara teknis sulit dan tidak stabil dan menakutkan,
tapi hati Anda akan seperti gila karena ketinggian.
Sekarang akan pergi memang sangat dingin.
Dan kami up 5800-6000m, itu berangin.
Kemudian mulai turun salju, dan itu berarti
bahwa seluruh wajah pooring dengan longsoran powdersnow.
Salju benar-benar akan tetap di luar pakaian Anda.
Kemudian akan membeku di atas Anda, seperti Anda sedang mengenakan baju besi.
Bagian terakhir pada wajah
adalah sekitar 100 m dari paling mendaki mimpi buruk.
Benar-benar tidak stabil salju bubuk.
Tidak ada jangkar pada titik apapun.
Itu secara fisik sangat, sangat melelahkan, mendaki seluruh tubuh benar-benar.
Kami butuh bagian terbaik dari 5 atau 6 jam untuk mendaki sekitar 65 meter.
Dibawa dalam perjalanan setelah mendapat gelap.
Aku mulai sangat dingin, Karena aku sedang duduk masih
sementara Simon mencoba untuk mendaki.
Aku mulai dekat hipotermia.
Anda hanya tahu bahwa kalau kau lebih hanya dilakukan pada, terlepas,
itu akan pergi tits up.
Jadi kita menggali gua salju.
Di pagi hari, dalam cuaca yang baik,
kita benar-benar melihat apa yang kami akan mencoba untuk mendaki.
Itu undeering ini mimpi buruk
galur-salju bubuk terbaik mencungkil oleh salju jatuh ke bawah
meringues, dan jamur, dan cornice seluruh tempat.
Kami telah mendengar tentang ini bubuk aneh kondisi salju yang Anda dapatkan di Andes,
dan kami belum pernah melihat itu sebelumnya.
Saya tidak tahu fisika yang menjelaskan mengapa bubuk salju bisa tinggal di lereng curam tersebut.
Di pegunungan Alpen itu hanya akan meluncur turun jika lereng adalah sekitar 40 derajat.
Ini adalah beberapa yang paling genting, mengerikan dan mendaki berbahaya yang pernah saya lakukan.
Kami benar-benar takut, bahwa kita akan sampai ke sebuah impass,
di mana kita tidak bisa memanjat lebih jauh up.
Karena kita tahu kita tidak akan bisa mendapatkan kembali,
bukan apa yang kita sudah naik.
Kami mendaki diri ke dalam perangkap.
Dan tidak hanya itu, kita bisa melihat ini 150 tetes meter yang sedang menunggu kami.
Dan itulah yang terjadi dengan besar lega bahwa dengan 14:00,
kami mendapat ke utara ridge dan pada wajah barat.
Dan kami bersumpah bahwa kami tidak ingin pergi dekat salah satu galur-salju lagi.
Kami cukup lelah, dengan saat kita sampai ke punggung bukit,
Aku lelah. Dan Aku ingat berpikir,
"Oh peduli amat, kita sudah melakukan wajah,"
"Sekarang saya bisa benar-benar diganggu untuk pergi semua jalan di sana "
Dan kemudian kita berpikir, "Tunggu , kami telah datang jauh-jauh, "
"Kita juga berdiri di atas"
Aku tidak terlalu suka KTT, karena 80% dari kecelakaan terjadi pada keturunan.
Kami memutuskan sebelum kita bahkan naik menghadapi bahwa kami akan turun
punggungan utara gunung, turun ke sebuah cul
antara gunung Siula Grande dan gunung lain yang disebut Yerupaja.
dan kemudian kita akan mampu meluncur bawah bagian kecil dari wajah.
Sudah awan datang dari timur. Awan besar.
Kita diharapkan punggungan ini cukup mudah,
cukup cara mudah untuk turun.
Kami berharap, kami akan dapat semacam berjalan.
Dan ternyata sangat sulit.
Itu mengerikan.
Vertikal di sisi barat, dengan cornice menjorok sisi barat,
dan di sisi timur curam fleetings mengalir 100m di bawah kami.
Itu mengejutkan. Dan itu cukup berbahaya.
Itu semua mendapat sedikit keluar dari control. Tahap itu hal.
Setengah jam untuk satu jam setelah meninggalkan puncak, kita yang hilang.
Kami berada di alam liar sekarang, kita tidak bisa melihat apa-apa.
Kemudian kita harus seperti sedikit istirahat di awan dan aku melihat punggung bukit,
jadi aku mulai naik kembali ke sana.
Aku tidak tahu itu adalah sisi punggungan saya, tapi
itu sebenarnya sangat besar cornice, overhang salju dan es,
dan aku berjalan dari atas itu.
Aku ditinggalkan menggantung, mencari turun, karena semua salju dan es ini
kemudian jatuh jauh dari saya, menuruni sisi barat Siula Grande.
Aku kembali di punggungan dan berteriak kemudian Joe
bahwa aku telah menemukan ridge, seperti itu, saya katakan,
"Saya menemukan punggungan, Joe!"
Kami harapkan untuk turun hari itu,
tapi pada saat itu mendapat gelap, kami masih sangat tinggi.
Masih di 6000m.
Dan malam itu, seperti yang kita membuat minuman, gas tersebut habis.
Itu cukup jelas keesokan harinya
bahwa kita menuruni Bagian terburuk dari punggungan.
Dan aku cukup yakin bahwa kita lebih turun kembali ke base camp hari itu.
Saya pikir pada tahap bahwa itu cukup banyak di tas saya kira, seluruh pendakian.
Aku berada di depan Simon,
dan tiba-tiba ada ini dinding vertikal, membagi dua punggungan.
Saya kemudian mendapatkan pada tangan dan lutut, dan palu kedua sumbu saya ke dalam es di bagian atas
dan kemudian turunkan diri dari tebing es.
Bila Anda palu kapak, Anda mendengarkan untuk suara itu membuat. Dan Anda melihatnya.
Sekarang saya tergantung dengan kedua sumbu, benar. Aku mengambil palu keluar, dan
apa yang ingin saya lakukan sekarang menempatkannya di dinding vertikal.
Dan aku berayun, dan pick masuk, dan itu hanya membuat ...
hanya suara aneh.
Dan saya berpikir, "Yah, aku akan mengambil itu, membuat penempatan yang baik. "
Jadi saya hanya ingin menempatkan bona ... mati penempatan kapak padat masuk Semua jalan turun.
Dan aku akan ayunan di es lagi
Rasa sakit ini ... datang membanjiri bawah pahaku
dan lutut saya sangat, sangat sangat menyakitkan
Dampaknya melaju kaki saya lebih rendah langsung melalui sendi lutut saya.
Sebagai tulang tibia masuk ke saya itu membagi dataran tinggi tibialis langsung dari
dan dibawa ke atas.
Cukup liar, sakit sekarang. Saya tidak bisa mengatasi dengan itu pada awalnya.
Aku hanya menghela napas dan itu mulai pergi dan saya ingat mencari di
ke barat dan melihat kita yang sejajar dengan puncak Rasac,
jadi saya punya alat pengukur tinggi badan, di mana kita berada.
dan saya hanya berpikir, "fuck, Saya tidak dapat mematahkan kaki saya ",
"Jika saya telah patah kaki saya sudah mati."
Dan kemudian tali pergi kendur.
Aku tahu itu berarti bahwa Simon datang ke arah saya.
Aku tidak bisa merasakan apapun di bawah tulang apapun.
Aku membawa tanganku ke bawah, tidak ada darah di atasnya,
dan rasa sakit sudah turun sedikit.
Dan aku berpikir, mungkin aku adalah menjadi sedikit memukul,
Saya baru saja robek ligamen atau sesuatu.
Aku mencoba untuk berdiri di atasnya
Aku merasa semua tulang pergi, semua kisi dan segala sesuatu dan aku tahu itu rusak maka.
Tampilan yang dia berikan saya melekat dalam pikiran saya
Ekspresi shock dan putus asa dan semacam teror.
Banyak hal dalam tampilan tunggal.
Dan dia berkata, "Apakah Anda ok?"
Saya pikir hal itu terjadi kepada saya untuk mengatakan, "Ya, aku baik-baik saja". Itu bodoh.
Saya rasa saya berkata, "Tidak, Saya sudah patah kaki saya ".
Segera, hanya azab. Saya pikir "Tuhan, kami boneka".
Kita akan melakukan dengan baik jika salah satu dari kami keluar dari ini sekarang.
Itu datang ke pikiran saya, hanya berpikir,
"Jika dia tergelincir dari sisi gunung sekarang, maka saya hanya bisa membersihkan, "
"Dan meninggalkan dia dan mendapatkan diriku ke bawah dan Saya tidak harus memiliki semua kerumitan, "
"Mencoba untuk berurusan dengan dia dan dengan situasi kita berada di ".
Dia memberi saya obat penghilang rasa sakit ini yang secara efektif sakit kepala tablet.
Dan dia tidak benar-benar berbicara tentang apa saja.
Itu hampir seolah-olah dia ... Dia tahu, apa artinya ini.
Dia tahu, dan aku tahu, bahwa ia akan harus meninggalkan saya.
Dia bisa saja mengatakan sesuatu seperti "Aku hanya akan mendapatkan bantuan"
dan saya akan pergi "benar, ya"
Karena saya tahu tidak ada bantuan.
Itu akan menjadi mudah jalan baginya untuk mengatakannya.
Saya tidak berpikir kita benar-benar serius berpikir bahwa ada pilihan lain
Aku tidak bisa menempatkan jari saya di atasnya, mengapa Saya pikir ada sesuatu yang terjadi.
Dan saya mulai berpikir "Apakah salah satu dari mereka mati, atau keduanya meninggal? "
Bahkan "Jika salah satu dari mereka sudah mati", tidak "Mana yang saya ingin mati", tetapi
"Jika seseorang datang kembali, yang saya inginkan? "
Ini semacam, cukup dingin untuk mengatakan itu, tapi saya kira
Saya lebih suka memiliki itu pasti Simon.
Saya berpikir, "oh, dia tidak meninggalkan"
Aku tenang sedikit dan berhasil memfokuskan diriku lagi
berpikir bagaimana aku akan mendapatkan dia turun gunung.
Kami membahas, antara kami, apa kami akan harus melakukan.
Kami pikir, baik, kita punya 2 tali yang panjang 50m.
Dan jika kita mengikat mereka bersama-sama kita memiliki Tali 100m dengan simpul di tengah-tengah itu.
Jadi saya terikat pada salah satu ujung dan Simon terikat ke yang lain,
dalam teori ia bisa menurunkan saya ke 100m.
Untuk benar-benar mendapatkan jangkar untuk menurunkan dia dari yang melakukan materi,
apa yang saya lakukan adalah memotong ember di salju, duduk di sana dan bersiap diri.
Dan aku semacam berbaring di antara kedua kakinya.
Dan Simon mulai menurunkan kemudian.
Saya akan menurunkan dia satu tali panjang, 50m,
dan kemudian simpul akan datang antara dua tali.
Sekarang simpul tidak akan pergi melalui pelat belay.
Jadi dia akan menghentikan saya.
Saya akan berdiri di atas saya kiri kaki, kaki yang sehat,
sehingga saya bisa mendapatkan berat dari tali.
Aku memberinya cukup slack untuk dapat unclip tali
benang tali kembali melalui penurunan perangkat, dengan simpul di sisi lain
klip kembali ke dirinya sendiri dan menurunkan saya 50m tersisa.
Dia akan membuat dirinya cukup aman, dan saya turun naik untuk bergabung dengannya.
Dan kita akan mengulangi proses lagi.
Simon mencoba untuk menurunkan saya cepat,
dan itu berarti bahwa kaki saya terus menusuk dan menusuk dan menekuk lutut.
Luar biasa menyakitkan.
Aku ingat perasaan marah dia karena dia menyakitiku,
dan aku berpikir "apakah itu lambat",
dan aku juga tahu bahwa ia harus melakukan cepat ini. Dia tidak punya pilihan.
Dan dia sangat muram berwajah, Aku ingat menatapnya,
bertanya-tanya apakah ia marah off dengan semuanya.
Aku tidak bisa mengambil terlalu banyak pemberitahuan sayangnya teriakan ini sakit,
karena kita harus turun.
Kami akan menggali lubang ini dari duduk di salju bubuk,
dan mereka akan berlangsung sekitar panjang dari waktu yang dibutuhkan untuk menurunkan saya.
Dan pada kenyataannya mereka runtuh di sekelilingnya.
Dan dia menurunkan saya di 9mm, baik tali 8.8mm. Itulah yang tebal.
Tapi tangan semacam beku.
Apa yang dia lakukan adalah sangat luar biasa,
dan aku belum pernah mendengar tentang satu penyelamatan gunung tangan seperti itu.
Kami sekarang menurunkan dalam badai penuh. Saya tidak tahu apa faktor angin dingin itu,
tapi itu akan menjadi seperti -80 atau sesuatu seperti itu.
Saya kehilangan satu liter darah di kaki saya, Saya sangat terkejut dan severly dehidrasi
Itu adalah titik di mana kita harus memiliki menggali gua salju dan tempat tinggal diambil,
masuk kantong tidur kami dan membuat minuman panas, dan rehydrate.
Kita tidak bisa, karena kita akan kehabisan bensin.
Dan kami baru saja kehilangan kendali pada saat ini karena kita tidak bisa menggali gua salju,
dan resiko terjebak oleh badai yang tidak merusak.
Itu semua mulai mencari berbagai cara pada saat itu, karena kami hampir turun.
Dan aku mulai perlahan-lahan berpikir,
"Mungkin setelah ini kita akan memiliki satu lagi, dan kami akan berada di gletser ".
Dan tiba-tiba semua punya keras pada siku, dan dingin,
dan mendapat curam, akan turun lereng dan tiba-tiba itu curam,
dan aku hanya penuh alarm.
Aku berteriak pada Simon untuk berhenti sebagai keras yang aku bisa, dan dia hanya tidak bisa mendengar saya.
Aku melihat bahwa lebih berat badan datang ke tali,
tetapi tidak benar-benar berpikir banyak tentang hal ini. Dan aku hanya berpikir,
"Well, dia akan lebih beberapa tanah curam "
Ketika saya melihat ke bawah, dan aku melihat sekilas 'Menyebabkan ada penurunan besar di bawah saya,
Aku merasa ngeri untuk menemukan apa yang saya akan pergi lebih.
Dan aku bisa melihat dengan jelas bahwa ada celah besar langsung di bawah tebing,
sekitar 25m di bawah saya.
Aku sedang berusaha untuk mendapatkan kapak saya untuk melihat apakah aku bisa mencapai tembok ini yang ada di luar sana,
Saya pikir, hampir sama saya memulai dan mencoba untuk melakukan itu, saya mulai diturunkan lagi.
Dan aku berpikir, "Kristus, jangan lakukan itu, jangan lakukan itu ",
'Menyebabkan aku tahu, bahwa tidak ada cukup tali untuk mendapatkan saya ke bawah.
Dan jika saya tidak bisa mendapatkan berat badan saya off tali,
ia tidak bisa memutuskan tali, untuk mendapatkan di sisi lain.
Dan aku tahu semua ini, dan aku berteriak lagi, tidak menurunkan saya.
Aku terus menurunkan dia, sampai aku mencapai simpul, lalu mengguncang tali.
Sinyal saya kepadanya, untuk mengambil berat dari tali.
Dan tidak ada yang terjadi.
Dan tidak terus terjadi.
Aku tahu, bahwa satu-satunya jalan keluar dari ini adalah jika saya bisa memanjat tali.
Aku punya dua loop Prusik. Prusik loop tali tipis tali.
Dan jika Anda menggunakan memutar simpul khusus pada tali, Anda bisa geser ke atas tali,
dan menarik di atasnya, dan grips simpul tali.
Klip gertakan untuk itu dan kemudian sling untuk itu, dan Anda bisa berdiri.
Dan jika Anda punya satu lagi, diikat di atasnya, Anda geser yang salah satunya,
Berdiri lingkaran ini sekarang lebih tinggi.
Aku berusaha untuk menahan diri tegak, untuk menjaga tali di tempat.
Dan kemudian mencoba untuk menempatkan simpul ini melalui itu sendiri, dan melalui itu sendiri,
dan tali fiddly berdarah ini ... itu hanya Sulit untuk menggambarkan betapa aku tidak bisa melakukannya.
Karena jari-jari saya, saya hanya tidak bisa merasakan jari-jari sama sekali.
Dan aku akan mencari dan mencoba untuk mendorong benda di dalam, dan menggunakan gigi,
dan mendapatkan itu bulat, dan mendapatkan itu bulat.
Tanganku dingin, kakiku adalah ... Saya sangat sangat dingin.
Itu adalah posisi putus asa, diperparah oleh fakta bahwa aku tidak tahu
apa Joe lakukan, atau apa posisi dia masuk
Aku hanya tidak tahu mengapa itu mengambil dia begitu lama untuk mendapatkan berat badannya turun tali,
tidak ada yang masuk akal penjelasan untuk itu.
Aku punya satu, dan aku dipotong untuk saya dada, karena itu akan membuat saya tegak.
Dan saya mencoba untuk menempatkan yang lain pada, dan aku kesulitan nyata dengan tangan saya.
Dan saya menjatuhkan berdarah hal, dan aku melihat itu jatuh.
Dan aku tahu bahwa aku boneka itu.
Aku hanya berpikir, "Yah, Aku tidak bisa memanjat tali ",
ide ini yang dapat Anda memanjat tali tangan di atas tangan, Anda tidak bisa,
terutama bila tangan Anda beku. Anda hanya tidak bisa melakukannya.
Tidak ada yang bisa saya lakukan, dan saya merasa benar-benar tak berdaya.
Dan benar-benar marah.
Tidak ada yang bisa kulakukan. Saya tidak bisa mendapatkan berat dari tali,
Aku hanya di sana, dan ini pergi selama mungkin satu jam setengah,
selama waktu posisi saya menjadi lebih dan lebih putus asa.
Aku berjuang untuk mempertahankan, semacam menggigil kursi yang aku duduk di,
dan salju secara bertahap meluncur dari bawah saya.
Jadi posisi saya mulai putus asa.
Saya pikir secara psikologis saya dipukuli.
Karena tidak ada yang bisa kulakukan,
jadi aku hanya tergantung di tali dan menunggu untuk mati.
Dan saya pikir saya akan mati segera, sebenarnya. Angin dingin sangat rendah.
Aku benar-benar akan turun gunung di sedikit, tahap dendeng.
Karena lembut, manis salju ini runtuh jauh di bawah saya.
Saya mengharapkan dia datang off, dan tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa.
Dia akan jatuh sekitar 100 m.
50 m dariku, dia akan jatuh dua kali lipat, ia akan mati.
Dan dia benar-benar tidak tahu, apakah aku meter dari tanah, atau sentimeter,
dia hanya tidak tahu. Tapi dia tahu, saya berpikir, cukup sedih, bahwa ia akan mati.
Lalu aku ingat bahwa aku punya pena pisau di bagian atas ransel.
Aku mengambil keputusan cukup cepat.
Bagi saya, itu hanya tampak seperti hak hal yang harus dilakukan dalam situasi.
Karena tidak ada cara yang Aku bisa menjaga di mana aku berada,
cepat atau lambat, aku akan harus ditarik dari gunung.
Aku mengambil ransel, dan kemudian membuka ritsleting saku atas dengan satu tangan,
dan mendapat pisau pena keluar.
Boof!
Itu adalah malam yang mengerikan.
Pikiranku terganggu dengan pikiran tentang apa yang telah terjadi pada Joe.
Butuh waktu lama untuk menghangatkan diri up. Dan saya tidak benar, saya kira.
Memiliki malam yang sangat, sangat dingin.
Memori utama hanya merasa putus asa, sangat haus.
Ke titik di mana aku merasa aku bisa bau air di salju di sekitar saya.
Saya merasa bahwa sangat kuat.
Itu cukup aneh.
Aku tidak tahu apa yang telah terjadi.
Apa yang saya mendarat di tidak datar, itu miring di setiap sisi.
Dan aku sedang meluncur, dalam gelap.
Saya rasa saya harus memiliki jatuh sekitar 50 m total.
Saya terkejut cukup untuk hidup.
Sinar kepala obor hanya turun, dan turun, dan turun,
dan kegelapan hanya makan itu, hanya pergi.
Aku merasa sangat terkesima, sangat sangat rentan.
If I had landed less than 1m further to the right, 384 00:41:58,538 ---> 00:42:02,538 I would have just gone down this huge hole. 385 00:42:04,016 ---> 00:42:08,016 I got this ice screw in, pretty quickly. 386 00:42:15,370 ---> 00:42:18,722 And then looked around, and thinking, 387 00:42:18,723 ---> 00:42:22,723 "Jezus, it's gonna be nearly impossible to get out of" 388 00:42:31,119 ---> 00:42:35,119 My rope was going all the way up, 25m, up to this small entry hall. 389 00:42:35,296 ---> 00:42:39,296 And I thought, Simon is on the end of that. 390 00:42:41,254 ---> 00:42:45,254 But I felt sure he was dead. Dan itu tidak berarti apa-apa. 391 00:42:45,381 ---> 00:42:48,839 I just thought, "If I pull on this rope, it will come tight on his body". 392 00:42:48,840 ---> 00:42:52,840 Because he would have flown off the cliff, on to the downside of the crevice, 393 00:42:53,160 ---> 00:42:55,946 and then, Iying dead there, like a counterweight, 394 00:42:55,947 ---> 00:42:59,819 the rope would have come back up and then dropped into the crevice. 395 00:42:59,820 ---> 00:43:03,820 So I thought, if I pull on this rope it will come tight on his body". 396 00:43:18,309 ---> 00:43:22,309 And it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, 397 00:43:36,360 ---> 00:43:40,360 As soon as I saw it, I knew it had been cut. 398 00:43:48,141 ---> 00:43:52,141 I thought, "you're gonna die in here". 399 00:43:53,535 ---> 00:43:57,535 I had a pleased feeling, that it meant that Simon was alive. 400 00:44:01,001 ---> 00:44:05,001 Simon! 401 00:44:14,706 ---> 00:44:18,706 Looking where I was was an awful prospect. 402 00:44:18,845 ---> 00:44:22,845 You don't die of a broken leg. 403 00:44:32,379 ---> 00:44:36,379 I think I did turn my head torch off to save the batteries. 404 00:44:50,056 ---> 00:44:54,056 It was dark, and it began to get to me. 405 00:45:02,662 ---> 00:45:05,716 There is something about crevices, 406 00:45:05,717 ---> 00:45:09,717 they have a dread feel, not the place for the living. 407 00:45:17,492 ---> 00:45:21,492 I could hear the ice cracking, and wind noises in the ice. 408 00:45:25,922 ---> 00:45:29,922 I turned the light on again, 'cause I didn't like it in the dark. 409 00:45:42,588 ---> 00:45:46,588 I felt very, very alone. 410 00:45:47,933 ---> 00:45:51,933 And I was very scared. 411 00:45:52,280 ---> 00:45:56,280 I was 25, I was fit, I was super ambitious. 412 00:45:59,616 ---> 00:46:03,616 And this was the first trip I've been on. I wanted to climb the world, 413 00:46:04,292 ---> 00:46:08,292 and it just didn't seem... ini hadn't been part of our game plan. 414 00:46:14,917 ---> 00:46:16,959 It must have been quite late. 415 00:46:16,960 ---> 00:46:20,960 I think that I pretty much was thinking that I wasn't gonna get out. 416 00:46:24,638 ---> 00:46:28,638 Sial. Stupid, stupid... 417 00:47:04,558 ---> 00:47:08,558 As a climber you should always be in control, you have to be in control. 418 00:47:08,969 ---> 00:47:12,969 So doing that, you could be seen as half a failure. You lost it. 419 00:47:35,656 ---> 00:47:38,656 This is childish. Saya just cried and cried. 420 00:47:38,657 ---> 00:47:42,657 Saya pikir, 421 00:47:43,909 ---> 00:47:47,909 I'd be tougher than that. 422 00:48:15,727 ---> 00:48:19,727 It was getting light, as it was 5 or 6. 423 00:48:20,633 ---> 00:48:24,633 And I started screaming Simon's name again. 424 00:48:29,443 ---> 00:48:33,443 I got myself up, got dressed inside the snow home and packed everything away, 425 00:48:39,653 ---> 00:48:41,335 Just a horrible feeling of dread. 426 00:48:41,336 ---> 00:48:45,336 By this stage, I strongly felt that Joe had been killed the previous day. 427 00:48:45,981 ---> 00:48:49,981 And that now I was going to die, as some form of retribution. 428 00:48:53,935 ---> 00:48:57,935 But rather than just sit here, feeling sorry for myself or whatever, 429 00:48:58,761 ---> 00:49:02,761 "I'll get on with it and I'll die on the way down". 430 00:49:06,327 ---> 00:49:08,871 Very quickly, the ground dropped away steeply. 431 00:49:08,872 ---> 00:49:12,872 So I skirted around this area of steeper ground. 432 00:49:19,439 ---> 00:49:22,827 As I abseiled down, I could see this overhanging ice cliff, 433 00:49:22,828 ---> 00:49:25,038 which was what I had lowered him over, 434 00:49:25,039 ---> 00:49:27,802 so I knew that he'd had actually been hanging in space, 435 00:49:27,803 ---> 00:49:31,803 which is the reason he couldn't get his weight off the rope. 436 00:49:33,458 ---> 00:49:36,123 And as I went down lower, I could see to my horror, 437 00:49:36,124 ---> 00:49:40,124 that the base of this ice cliff was an absolutely enormous crevice, 438 00:49:42,001 ---> 00:49:46,001 that's 12m wide and just bottomless from where I was looking at it. 439 00:49:53,081 ---> 00:49:56,095 SIMON! 440 00:49:56,096 ---> 00:49:57,942 He would have been up with first light, I thought. 441 00:49:57,943 ---> 00:50:00,219 'Cause I was desperately, desperately thirsty. 442 00:50:00,220 ---> 00:50:04,220 And he would have been. And he would have wanted to get down, and get water. 443 00:50:05,083 ---> 00:50:07,683 And he would have wanted to find me. 444 00:50:07,684 ---> 00:50:11,129 Now I did stop and pause, and I shouted across into the crevice, 445 00:50:11,130 ---> 00:50:15,130 and I yelled and yelled, "Joe, Joe". 446 00:50:15,344 ---> 00:50:19,344 And I suppose again, with the benefit of hindsight, 447 00:50:19,428 ---> 00:50:23,428 after I got off the rope, I should have gone and looked, 448 00:50:23,479 ---> 00:50:26,720 into the crevice, to see where he was. 449 00:50:26,721 ---> 00:50:30,721 But to be quite honest, the thought didn't occur to me at that time. 450 00:50:33,139 ---> 00:50:37,139 I was just convinced he was dead. 451 00:50:43,390 ---> 00:50:47,390 Absolutely convinced, by 10, totally convinced, that I was on my own. 452 00:50:49,547 ---> 00:50:53,547 That no one was coming to get me. 453 00:50:57,601 ---> 00:51:01,009 I was brought up as a devout Catholic. 454 00:51:01,010 ---> 00:51:03,874 I had long since stopped believing in God. 455 00:51:03,875 ---> 00:51:07,875 I always wondered, if things really hit the fan, whether I would, under pressure, 456 00:51:08,851 ---> 00:51:12,851 turn around and say a few Hail Mary's, and say "get me out of here". 457 00:51:15,209 ---> 00:51:18,756 It never once occurred to me. 458 00:51:18,757 ---> 00:51:21,132 It meant that I really don't believe. 459 00:51:21,133 ---> 00:51:25,133 And I really do think that when you die, you die. That's it, there's no afterlife. 460 00:51:25,793 ---> 00:51:29,793 There's nothing. 461 00:51:32,583 ---> 00:51:36,583 And I was thinking, "Could I climb out of here?" 462 00:52:21,166 ---> 00:52:25,166 25 meter of overhanging ice. Tidak mungkin, I couldn't do it with a good leg. 463 00:52:28,838 ---> 00:52:32,838 I knew that they were both dead. Tapi saya couldn't just clear off and leave the camp. 464 00:52:35,209 ---> 00:52:38,231 For one thing, I didn't know anything about them, 465 00:52:38,232 ---> 00:52:40,968 except for their first names, Joe and Simon. 466 00:52:40,969 ---> 00:52:44,911 I didn't know their family names, I really knew nothing about them. 467 00:52:44,912 ---> 00:52:48,692 And I had this bizarre idea, that if they'd fallen off the mountain, 468 00:52:48,693 ---> 00:52:51,969 they would have just landed at the bottom of it. 469 00:52:51,970 ---> 00:52:55,970 And I thought, perhaps from the bottom of the glacier, I'd be able to see them. 470 00:52:57,510 ---> 00:53:01,510 And set off with the aim of going as far as I could. 471 00:53:04,203 ---> 00:53:07,283 I started to go down the glacier on my own. 472 00:53:07,284 ---> 00:53:11,284 In this stage I was still certain that I was gonna die myself. 473 00:53:12,396 ---> 00:53:15,854 Crossing a glacier is very very dangerous on your own, 474 00:53:15,855 ---> 00:53:19,855 because there are crevices in the ice, and the snow covers them. 475 00:53:21,288 ---> 00:53:24,632 Fortunately I managed to find a faint outline of our tracks, 476 00:53:24,633 ---> 00:53:27,659 from when we walked in. 477 00:53:27,660 ---> 00:53:31,660 It was only when I got off the glacier, I realized that I was going to get down, 478 00:53:33,718 ---> 00:53:35,982 I was going to get out of it, 479 00:53:35,983 ---> 00:53:39,983 I was gonna live. 480 00:53:50,016 ---> 00:53:54,016 I can't really describe how scary the night had been. 481 00:53:59,098 ---> 00:54:03,098 I thought, it would be like that, for days. 482 00:54:05,544 ---> 00:54:08,748 You gotta make decisions, you gotta keep making decisions, 483 00:54:08,749 ---> 00:54:12,749 even if they're wrong decisions. 484 00:54:13,669 ---> 00:54:17,669 Jika Anda tidak membuat decisions you're stuffed. 485 00:54:33,658 ---> 00:54:37,658 Short of dying on the ledge, my only chance was to 486 00:54:38,677 ---> 00:54:42,677 lower myself deeper into the crevice. 487 00:54:42,699 ---> 00:54:45,872 I didn't what I would find down there. 488 00:54:45,873 ---> 00:54:49,873 I was just hoping there might be some way out of the labyrinth of ice and snow. 489 00:54:55,183 ---> 00:54:59,183 And I really struggled to make that decision, I was so scared of going deeper. 490 00:55:10,000 ---> 00:55:12,964 The other option was to just to sit there, 491 00:55:12,965 ---> 00:55:15,167 blindly hoping that somehow it might get better, 492 00:55:15,168 ---> 00:55:19,168 and I just knew it wasn't akan menjadi lebih baik. 493 00:55:44,802 ---> 00:55:47,940 I didn't want to look down, 494 00:55:47,941 ---> 00:55:51,941 I was horrified at the thought that it was just empty down there. 495 00:56:09,128 ---> 00:56:12,037 I didn't put a knot near the end of the rope, 496 00:56:12,038 ---> 00:56:15,775 and if there was nothing down there I wouldn't be able to hold the rope, 497 00:56:15,776 ---> 00:56:19,776 and then I would fall, and it would be quick. 498 00:56:40,000 ---> 00:56:44,000 And I thought "Jesus, this is big!" 499 00:56:53,639 ---> 00:56:57,639 By this stage I was completely physically done in, 500 00:56:58,500 ---> 00:57:02,500 staggering back down these meringues, still desperately thirsty. 501 00:57:03,740 ---> 00:57:06,164 There werre all these sort of thoughts swirling around in my mind, 502 00:57:06,165 ---> 00:57:10,165 guilt, worry, thinking about how on earth am I going to explain this to Joe's parents, 503 00:57:12,136 ---> 00:57:16,136 my friends, to Richard. 504 00:57:17,172 ---> 00:57:21,164 The thought did cross my mind that maybe I could think up a decent story, 505 00:57:21,165 ---> 00:57:25,165 that would make me look better. 506 00:57:25,445 ---> 00:57:29,445 And I did quite think about that, for quite a while. 507 00:57:35,649 ---> 00:57:39,649 Really the only image that sticks in my mind from all the time in Peru, 508 00:57:40,511 ---> 00:57:43,999 is seeing this figure. 509 00:57:44,000 ---> 00:57:48,000 And it was fairly close before I could see who it was. 510 00:57:51,457 ---> 00:57:54,902 But he looked absolutely horrendous. 511 00:57:54,903 ---> 00:57:58,903 You wouldn't recognize him. 512 00:58:00,829 ---> 00:58:04,443 And I said, "Where is Joe?" 513 00:58:04,444 ---> 00:58:07,051 And he just said, "Joe is dead". 514 00:58:07,052 ---> 00:58:11,052 I told him the whole story, as we walked back to the camp, 515 00:58:11,173 ---> 00:58:15,173 I told him the whole story of what had happened. 516 00:58:15,309 ---> 00:58:19,309 He wasn't in the slightest bit judgemental about me or what I'd done, 517 00:58:23,521 ---> 00:58:27,521 he took it very well. 518 00:58:41,388 ---> 00:58:45,388 I must have lowered myself about 25m from where the ice screw was at the bridge. 519 00:58:53,388 ---> 00:58:56,904 I was now in what seemed to be the base of the crevice, 520 00:58:56,905 ---> 00:59:00,089 that was shaped like a big hourglass. 521 00:59:00,090 ---> 00:59:02,993 To the ceiling, was probably about 50m. 522 00:59:02,994 ---> 00:59:06,994 I think it's as big as the St. Paul's dome in scale. 523 00:59:09,340 ---> 00:59:13,340 I remember looking down, and there was just solid snow. 524 00:59:13,599 ---> 00:59:17,599 And I thought, "this is the bottom of the crevice!" 525 00:59:22,651 ---> 00:59:26,651 About 15m away from me, there was a slope leading up. 526 00:59:27,905 ---> 00:59:31,905 Right at the top, there was the sun coming through this hole. 527 00:59:33,323 ---> 00:59:37,323 And it was shining, just this big beam of sunlight coming in. 528 00:59:40,710 ---> 00:59:44,710 This was the way out I'd been looking for! 529 00:59:46,323 ---> 00:59:50,323 I remember thinking, "Whoo, I can climb that slope, I bloody well will climb that slope!" 530 00:59:52,962 ---> 00:59:56,962 I crawled across this flat floor, and I started crawling across on my stomach. 531 01:00:08,308 ---> 01:00:12,308 Then I heard things breaking away underneath me. 532 01:00:13,465 ---> 01:00:17,465 I realized that this wasn't a solid floor, it seemed to be hollow underneath it. 533 01:00:21,236 ---> 01:00:25,236 I was absolutely horrified. 534 01:00:26,913 ---> 01:00:30,913 It was suddenly, as if I was on an egg shell. 535 01:00:32,485 ---> 01:00:36,485 If I break through, I'll never be able to get across to this slope, 536 01:00:36,717 ---> 01:00:40,717 and that was my way out. 537 01:00:55,949 ---> 01:00:59,949 Alright, I'm on it, this is solid now. 538 01:01:05,183 ---> 01:01:09,183 I started to get my axe in and hop up. 539 01:01:12,964 ---> 01:01:16,964 That is extremely painful, as your legs hopped up, they both came down together. 540 01:01:20,469 ---> 01:01:24,469 I was trying to get into a better position, so that my left foot ain't first. 541 01:01:25,586 ---> 01:01:29,586 But I inevitably went onto my broken leg. 542 01:01:30,477 ---> 01:01:33,516 I feel the displacement go, the bone move, 543 01:01:33,517 ---> 01:01:37,357 so every hop I nearly faint. 544 01:01:37,358 ---> 01:01:41,358 It was just excruciatingly painful. 545 01:02:33,230 ---> 01:02:36,859 And it was a bright sunny day. 546 01:02:36,860 ---> 01:02:40,860 Wow, the whole world has come back. 547 01:02:43,250 ---> 01:02:47,250 I was Iying on the snow, just laughing. 548 01:02:55,457 ---> 01:02:59,457 That was the relief of getting out that place. 549 01:03:32,690 ---> 01:03:35,690 And I then looked at the glacier and I thought, 550 01:03:35,691 ---> 01:03:37,711 "Well, you haven't even started, mate". 551 01:03:37,712 ---> 01:03:41,712 It's kilometers and kilometers and on really bad ground. 552 01:04:00,200 ---> 01:04:04,200 But I think I was contemplating just sitting there, because I was coming at this, 553 01:04:04,875 ---> 01:04:08,875 having done the most serious climb in my life. 554 01:04:08,919 ---> 01:04:12,512 You come down safe from a climb like that, you'd be exhausted for days. 555 01:04:12,513 ---> 01:04:16,000 You'd just eat and drink and sleep. 556 01:04:16,001 ---> 01:04:20,001 I'd just come out of that, I'd badly broken a leg, I was in great pain, 557 01:04:21,740 ---> 01:04:25,740 highly dehydrated, I had no food, and I was looking at trying to do that. 558 01:04:26,117 ---> 01:04:30,117 Just no way, just no way you're physically gonna do that. 559 01:04:30,917 ---> 01:04:34,917 And then it occurred to me that I should set definite targets. 560 01:04:37,593 ---> 01:04:40,296 I started to look at things and think, 561 01:04:40,297 ---> 01:04:43,674 "right, if I can get to that crevice over there in 20 minutes", 562 01:04:43,675 ---> 01:04:46,986 "that's what I'm gonna do". 563 01:04:46,987 ---> 01:04:50,987 If I got there in 18 minutes I was hysterically happy about it, 564 01:04:51,276 ---> 01:04:55,276 and if I'd gotten 22 or 24 minutes, I was upset almost to the point of tears, 565 01:04:55,639 ---> 01:04:59,639 and it became obsessive. 566 01:05:01,075 ---> 01:05:05,075 I don't know why I did it, I think I knew the big picture of what had happened to me, 567 01:05:05,865 ---> 01:05:09,865 and what I had to do was so big I couldn't deal with it. 568 01:05:52,017 ---> 01:05:55,413 I stayed on Simon's tracks, and they were weaving around over humps, 569 01:05:55,414 ---> 01:05:57,713 and past obvious crevices and stuff. 570 01:05:57,714 ---> 01:06:01,272 I thought, "Well, unless I come to a hole with his body in the bottom of it," 571 01:06:01,273 ---> 01:06:05,273 "these tracks will lead me through the minefield of crevices". 572 01:06:14,317 ---> 01:06:18,317 All these huge mountains around you, big mountain walls. 573 01:06:19,741 ---> 01:06:22,705 And they do make you feel small and vulnerable. 574 01:06:22,706 ---> 01:06:26,706 And you wonder whether there's some malign presence out to get you. 575 01:06:39,957 ---> 01:06:42,809 It was like somebody was just teasing an ant, 576 01:06:42,810 ---> 01:06:44,450 and putting something in its way all the time, 577 01:06:44,451 ---> 01:06:48,451 and eventually gonna stand on it. 578 01:07:46,764 ---> 01:07:50,318 I could see Simon's tracks were filling in. 579 01:07:50,319 ---> 01:07:54,319 They were my lifeline off the glacier. 580 01:07:54,811 ---> 01:07:58,811 And I started to get very desperate. 581 01:08:12,999 ---> 01:08:16,661 I carried on crawling in the dark, a stupid thing to do on the slope of the glacier. 582 01:08:16,662 ---> 01:08:20,662 But I was frightened and I was just trying to see Simon's tracks. 583 01:08:43,038 ---> 01:08:47,038 In the morning, it was a bright, sunny day, all the tracks had gone. 584 01:08:56,582 ---> 01:08:58,915 I started quite early, 585 01:08:58,916 ---> 01:09:02,916 and every now and then I had to stand up on one leg to try see the way, 586 01:09:02,920 ---> 01:09:06,920 and then sit down again, and shuffle on. 587 01:09:35,166 ---> 01:09:38,975 There was one very horrendous crevice bit right near the edge, 588 01:09:38,976 ---> 01:09:42,976 and I got into a maze of them. 589 01:10:07,576 ---> 01:10:11,576 I suddenly came to a point where I could see ice running down, then I could see rocks. 590 01:10:23,506 ---> 01:10:27,506 It was probably me, who brought up the subject of leaving. 591 01:10:28,168 ---> 01:10:30,164 Partly 'cause I was worried about Simon. 592 01:10:30,165 ---> 01:10:34,165 I just felt it was best to get as far away as possible from where it had happened. 593 01:10:37,907 ---> 01:10:40,453 I didn't want to leave immediately, 594 01:10:40,454 ---> 01:10:44,454 I felt I needed a day or two just to collect my thoughts, 595 01:10:45,969 ---> 01:10:49,969 and to regain some strength. 596 01:10:54,937 ---> 01:10:58,937 Spend a long time washing myself. 597 01:11:03,112 ---> 01:11:07,112 That felt good, to wash my hair and to wash my face, to have a shave, to... 598 01:11:10,354 ---> 01:11:13,623 get the... 599 01:11:13,624 ---> 01:11:17,624 get the remnants, the mountain out of my system. 600 01:11:49,259 ---> 01:11:52,637 I was desperately thirsty, because it doesn't matter how much snow you eat, 601 01:11:52,638 ---> 01:11:56,638 you just can't get enough water into your system. 602 01:11:56,871 ---> 01:12:00,871 And I saw the rocks, I knew how big these boulders would be and how far it was, 603 01:12:01,029 ---> 01:12:04,029 and that was the first time that I really thought about, 604 01:12:04,030 ---> 01:12:08,030 whether I could get the distance. 605 01:12:12,305 ---> 01:12:16,305 I got rid of all my gear. 606 01:12:29,388 ---> 01:12:33,130 I knew that I couldn't crawl over these rocks, they were just too big and jumbled, 607 01:12:33,131 ---> 01:12:37,131 and that the only way to do it was to try and hop. 608 01:12:38,148 ---> 01:12:42,148 I knew I was gonna fall a lot. 609 01:13:35,835 ---> 01:13:37,820 I'd fallen virtually every hop, 610 01:13:37,821 ---> 01:13:41,193 and it's just like having your leg broken about every time, and I remember 611 01:13:41,194 ---> 01:13:45,067 looking back where I'd come from, it was just over 20m, 612 01:13:45,068 ---> 01:13:49,068 and it had taken me ages. Dan the pain, just of the 20+m... 613 01:14:01,374 ---> 01:14:04,412 I can be insanely stubborn. 614 01:14:04,413 ---> 01:14:08,359 And I do like to have things my way. 615 01:14:08,360 ---> 01:14:12,360 And things were seriously not going my way over these days. 616 01:14:18,571 ---> 01:14:22,571 I'd look at a rock and then I'd go, "Right, I get there in 20 minutes". 617 01:14:23,695 ---> 01:14:27,636 Once I decided I was going to get that distance in 20 minutes, 618 01:14:27,637 ---> 01:14:31,637 I bloody well was gonna do it. 619 01:14:32,849 ---> 01:14:35,849 And it would help me, because I'd get halfway through the distance, 620 01:14:35,850 ---> 01:14:37,107 and I'd be in such pain, 621 01:14:37,108 ---> 01:14:40,598 I just couldn't bear the thought of getting up and falling on again, 622 01:14:40,599 ---> 01:14:44,599 but I'd look at the target and think "I've got to get there". 623 01:14:54,664 ---> 01:14:57,123 And I'd think, when I was Iying a bit long, and I think, 624 01:14:57,124 ---> 01:15:01,124 "no, you gotta get there. You only got 10 minutes left, only 10 minutes left!" 625 01:15:03,391 ---> 01:15:07,391 It seemed like there was a very cold, pragmatic part of me that was saying, 626 01:15:08,189 ---> 01:15:12,189 "You have to do this, this and this, if you're gonna get there". 627 01:15:27,350 ---> 01:15:31,350 "Come on, keep moving, keep moving" 628 01:15:37,340 ---> 01:15:41,340 "Right, get up, and do it again" 629 01:15:45,881 ---> 01:15:49,881 It was quite insistent, and quite clear. 630 01:15:50,742 ---> 01:15:54,742 It was almost like a voice or a separate part of me, telling me to do something. 631 01:15:58,963 ---> 01:16:02,375 Very uncaring. No sympathy, 632 01:16:02,376 ---> 01:16:06,376 no acknowledgement of the fact that I might be tired or hurt. 633 01:16:07,463 ---> 01:16:11,463 It was very, very odd. 634 01:16:19,719 ---> 01:16:23,719 That part of me kept saying, "Keep moving, stop resting, keep moving", 635 01:16:24,757 ---> 01:16:28,757 and the other part of me, my mind, anyway, just was, "Alright.", 636 01:16:29,285 ---> 01:16:31,796 looking around and absorbing things. 637 01:16:31,797 ---> 01:16:34,797 And as the hours went, and certainly as the days started to go, 638 01:16:34,798 ---> 01:16:38,798 it became weirder and weirder. 639 01:17:23,738 ---> 01:17:27,738 So I was very, very, very haus. Very dehydrated. 640 01:17:31,000 ---> 01:17:34,555 And the agonizing thing is, all these boulders, these meringues, 641 01:17:34,556 ---> 01:17:38,556 are on top of the glacier. Dan you could hear water running. 642 01:17:38,938 ---> 01:17:42,938 Semua waktu. 643 01:17:48,448 ---> 01:17:52,448 I'd fall over a lot and I'd hear water and I'd start digging around searching for it. 644 01:18:15,548 ---> 01:18:17,619 Couldn't find it, couldn't get it. 645 01:18:17,620 ---> 01:18:21,620 And it was driving me mad, to be able to hear water. 646 01:18:45,503 ---> 01:18:47,615 I was worried about Simon. 647 01:18:47,616 ---> 01:18:51,616 About his health, 'cause his fingertips were still quite bad from frostbite. 648 01:18:53,387 ---> 01:18:57,387 And I just felt it wasn't a place to be lingering in. 649 01:18:58,217 ---> 01:19:02,217 We just started getting ready to leave in the morning. 650 01:19:08,626 ---> 01:19:12,626 I did eventually collapse amidst the rocks, and I didn't sleep very well. 651 01:19:12,775 ---> 01:19:16,771 My leg was very painful. It was agony. 652 01:19:16,772 ---> 01:19:19,553 It was the first night, I think, it hadn't stormed. 653 01:19:19,554 ---> 01:19:23,554 It didn't snow on me, and it didn't rain. And I could see the stars. 654 01:19:23,827 ---> 01:19:27,827 I can remember Iying on my back for what seemed endless periods of time, 655 01:19:28,340 ---> 01:19:32,340 staring at the stars. 656 01:19:32,654 ---> 01:19:36,375 At one point I had this weird sensation that I had been lain there, conscious, 657 01:19:36,376 ---> 01:19:39,024 for centuries, for lifetimes. 658 01:19:39,025 ---> 01:19:43,025 Becoming part of the rocks, and part of where I was never gonna move from. 659 01:20:04,910 ---> 01:20:07,668 The sun came up, and it started to warm me. 660 01:20:07,669 ---> 01:20:11,669 And I thought it'd be just so nice to just lie there, don't move, and never hurt, 661 01:20:12,395 ---> 01:20:16,395 and christ, I got so, so close to doing that. 662 01:20:23,926 ---> 01:20:26,926 I genuinely believed that I wouldn't make the distance, 663 01:20:26,927 ---> 01:20:28,927 and I also believed that I was going to die, 664 01:20:28,928 ---> 01:20:32,928 and I sort of acknowledged it in a very matter-of-fact way. 665 01:20:36,000 ---> 01:20:38,015 And it seemed very rational to keep on crawling, 666 01:20:38,016 ---> 01:20:42,016 if you didn't think it was gonna be of any good. 667 01:20:43,751 ---> 01:20:47,751 I think that it was that loneliness, that sense of being abandoned. 668 01:20:48,416 ---> 01:20:52,416 It was there all the time. 669 01:20:54,139 ---> 01:20:57,421 I didn't crawl, because I thought I would survive, 670 01:20:57,422 ---> 01:21:01,422 I think I wanted to be with somebody when I died. 671 01:21:28,979 ---> 01:21:32,979 Probably just a symbolic act to say goodbye to him, in my own mind, 672 01:21:35,773 ---> 01:21:39,773 by doing that. 673 01:22:41,000 ---> 01:22:45,000 I drank liters and liters of it. 674 01:22:47,568 ---> 01:22:50,142 And it was just like putting fuel in, 675 01:22:50,143 ---> 01:22:54,143 I could feel myself immediately just getting stronger. 676 01:23:58,553 ---> 01:23:59,946 I kept wetting myself. 677 01:23:59,947 ---> 01:24:03,947 And I can remember actually quite liking the sensation, the warmth of it. 678 01:24:09,973 ---> 01:24:13,973 It was just a slow, steady reduction. 679 01:24:15,206 ---> 01:24:18,206 Not just physically. Physically is very obvious, 680 01:24:18,207 ---> 01:24:21,104 but you, everything, yourself. 681 01:24:21,105 ---> 01:24:24,336 I felt left with nothing. 682 01:24:24,337 ---> 01:24:28,337 And I didn't care anymore. 683 01:24:28,400 ---> 01:24:32,400 Didn't have any dignity, you didn't care whether you're brave or weak or anything. 684 01:24:33,775 ---> 01:24:37,775 You just became almost apa-apa. It was strange. 685 01:24:47,000 ---> 01:24:51,000 I was still doing these test 20 minutes things, get here, get there. 686 01:24:52,952 ---> 01:24:56,952 And then I saw these footprints. 687 01:24:57,878 ---> 01:25:01,650 Then I got convinced, that it was Simon and Richard. 688 01:25:01,651 ---> 01:25:04,651 They were up above me, and they were just following on, 689 01:25:04,652 ---> 01:25:08,117 and I carried on crawling down, 690 01:25:08,118 ---> 01:25:12,118 utterly convinced that they were wandering along behind me. 691 01:25:13,882 ---> 01:25:17,882 And I can remember thinking, "that is really stupid, they would come and help you", 692 01:25:19,047 ---> 01:25:21,739 and I think I persuaded myself that they were just following on, 693 01:25:21,740 ---> 01:25:25,740 because they didn't want to embarass me 'cause I peed myself and I was crying. 694 01:25:28,269 ---> 01:25:32,269 I don't know how long it lasted, maybe about an hour. 695 01:25:33,749 ---> 01:25:37,749 I totally believed it, and then suddenly it was like popping a bubble. 696 01:25:41,099 ---> 01:25:45,099 And then I realized that they weren't there, and I felt utterly shattered. 697 01:25:58,568 ---> 01:26:02,568 It was about 4 o'clock when I reached the lake. 698 01:26:04,242 ---> 01:26:08,171 And I that at the far end of it, there was a meringue dam. 699 01:26:08,172 ---> 01:26:09,586 And from the top of that meringue dam, 700 01:26:09,587 ---> 01:26:13,587 I would be able to look down into the valley where the base camp was. 701 01:26:13,959 ---> 01:26:17,648 In fact, I would be able to see the tents. 702 01:26:17,649 ---> 01:26:19,136 This was the first time I thought it, 703 01:26:19,137 ---> 01:26:23,137 I thought, "I'm gonna make the distance, I can actually make the distance". 704 01:26:26,253 ---> 01:26:30,253 Almost as soon I thought it, the next thought that popped into my head was, 705 01:26:30,407 ---> 01:26:34,353 "Will there be anyone there?" 706 01:26:34,354 ---> 01:26:38,354 I thought, "Christ, this is the fourth day since I saw Simon", 707 01:26:40,844 ---> 01:26:44,844 and as I worked it out, I thought, "Why on earth would they be there?" 708 01:26:47,922 ---> 01:26:51,590 I knew it got dark at six, and thought "I got to get there, I got to get there", 709 01:26:51,591 ---> 01:26:55,591 and I was trying to do it as fast as possible. 710 01:27:00,527 ---> 01:27:02,125 The rest of that afternoon, 711 01:27:02,126 ---> 01:27:06,126 I was plagued by this dreadful feeling that they would have gone. 712 01:27:10,269 ---> 01:27:14,269 I hadn't paid attention to what was happening with the weather. 713 01:27:14,682 ---> 01:27:17,930 Between leaving at four and getting to the top of the meringues, about six, 714 01:27:17,931 ---> 01:27:20,743 the weather had changed. 715 01:27:20,744 ---> 01:27:24,744 So when I looked down at the valley, it was just full of clouds. 716 01:27:29,436 ---> 01:27:33,436 I listened intently, hoping to hear a whistle or an answer, a cry back, something, 717 01:27:34,630 ---> 01:27:38,630 and I didn't hear anything at all. 718 01:27:44,751 ---> 01:27:48,751 and I spend a long time, sat there, crying, not sure what to do. 719 01:27:50,501 ---> 01:27:54,111 I thought about getting in my sleeping bag. 720 01:27:54,112 ---> 01:27:57,260 For some reason it just seemed a bit of a pathetic way to end things, 721 01:27:57,261 ---> 01:28:01,261 just in a sleeping bag. 722 01:28:01,516 ---> 01:28:05,516 I thought, "Well, nice but just keep going, you'll end it down there, somewhere". 723 01:28:16,327 ---> 01:28:20,327 I don't know entirely what happened for the rest of that night. 724 01:28:23,949 ---> 01:28:27,949 I stopped looking at the watch, and everything just started to go apart. 725 01:28:47,765 ---> 01:28:50,721 And I think I just got lost. 726 01:28:50,722 ---> 01:28:54,722 And I didn't know what I was doing anymore. 727 01:28:56,378 ---> 01:29:00,378 I don't remember thinking of anyone, 728 01:29:00,879 ---> 01:29:04,879 anybody I loved or any of that. 729 01:29:07,677 ---> 01:29:11,299 I did have one time, when I got a song going through my head. 730 01:29:11,300 ---> 01:29:14,538 And it was by a band called Boney M. 731 01:29:14,539 ---> 01:29:18,539 And I don't really like Boney M's music. 732 01:29:45,248 ---> 01:29:48,962 Brown girl in the ring, 733 01:29:48,963 ---> 01:29:52,963 there's a brown girl in the ring, 734 01:29:54,256 ---> 01:29:58,031 brown girl in the ring, 735 01:29:58,032 ---> 01:30:01,484 she looks like a sugar in a plum, 736 01:30:01,485 ---> 01:30:03,253 plum, plum! 737 01:30:03,254 ---> 01:30:07,254 Show me your motion, 738 01:30:08,524 ---> 01:30:12,524 come on show me your motion, 739 01:30:13,141 ---> 01:30:15,631 show me your motion, 740 01:30:15,632 ---> 01:30:19,632 And it just went on and on and on, for hours. 741 01:30:21,349 ---> 01:30:25,113 I found it very upsetting, 'cause I wanted to try and get it out of my head. 742 01:30:25,114 ---> 01:30:29,114 And I wanted to think of other things. 743 01:30:35,074 ---> 01:30:39,074 I was thinking, "Bloody hell, I'm gonna die to Boney M". 744 01:30:54,235 ---> 01:30:57,088 I remember sometimes not waking up, 745 01:30:57,089 ---> 01:31:01,089 I think I was awake all the time, but coming to, it was like waking up, 746 01:31:01,233 ---> 01:31:04,459 and sort of find myself sitting there, 747 01:31:04,460 ---> 01:31:07,877 I didn't know where I was. 748 01:31:07,878 ---> 01:31:11,040 It was pitch black and snowing, and I'd think I was back on the glacier, 749 01:31:11,041 ---> 01:31:14,480 or I'd think I was in a public car park, and had been beaten up again, 750 01:31:14,481 ---> 01:31:18,481 and then I'd just drift off again. 751 01:31:29,504 ---> 01:31:33,450 I remember smelling something. 752 01:31:33,451 ---> 01:31:36,647 It was a really strong smell. 753 01:31:36,648 ---> 01:31:40,648 And it acted like a smelling salt, to cut through all this delerium. 754 01:31:44,040 ---> 01:31:47,040 And I remember being really confused, I couldn't understand what it meant. 755 01:31:47,041 ---> 01:31:50,156 It took me ages to to try and work out what it meant. 756 01:31:50,157 ---> 01:31:53,503 I thought it was me. 757 01:31:53,504 ---> 01:31:55,740 And very slowly, I worked it out, and I thought, 758 01:31:55,741 ---> 01:31:59,741 "I've crawled through the latrine area of our camp site". 759 01:32:02,149 ---> 01:32:06,149 And I realized then, that I was close to the tents. 760 01:32:15,797 ---> 01:32:19,797 As I was shouting it, I thought, "This is it, this is as far as this game goes". 761 01:32:24,902 ---> 01:32:28,902 I'm not capable of going any further. 762 01:32:33,558 ---> 01:32:37,558 I made the mistake of having a little bit of hope, that they'd still be there. 763 01:32:39,204 ---> 01:32:42,655 And when I shouted, and they weren't there, 764 01:32:42,656 ---> 01:32:46,656 I sort of knew I was dead then. 765 01:32:59,025 ---> 01:33:03,025 That moment, when no one answered the call, 766 01:33:13,317 ---> 01:33:17,317 itu ... I lost something. 767 01:33:20,247 ---> 01:33:24,247 I lost me. 768 01:33:26,612 ---> 01:33:29,921 I woke up, not knowing why. 769 01:33:29,922 ---> 01:33:33,244 And was aware of this kind of strange atmosphere, 770 01:33:33,245 ---> 01:33:36,553 I could hear the wind howling outside the tent. 771 01:33:36,554 ---> 01:33:40,554 And started hearing something. 772 01:33:43,406 ---> 01:33:45,490 It did slowly dawn on me, 773 01:33:45,491 ---> 01:33:48,196 that really the only thing it could be, 774 01:33:48,197 ---> 01:33:51,813 would be Joe outside shouting. 775 01:33:51,814 ---> 01:33:55,814 But that was completely impossible, because he was dead, 776 01:33:56,266 ---> 01:34:00,266 and he died 3 or 4 days ago. 777 01:34:00,625 ---> 01:34:04,625 And then head it again, much sharper, 778 01:34:05,050 ---> 01:34:09,050 and it really sounded like somebody shouting. Simon. 779 01:34:13,536 ---> 01:34:16,882 I can have gotten into a panic, but first, it couldn't be Joe, 780 01:34:16,883 ---> 01:34:19,799 because Joe's dead. 781 01:34:19,800 ---> 01:34:23,800 And then, if he is out there, it's gonna be this horrible thing, 782 01:34:25,857 ---> 01:34:28,339 it can't be a human being, because, 783 01:34:28,340 ---> 01:34:32,340 no human being can possibly go through that, and be outside the tent. 784 01:34:38,099 ---> 01:34:42,099 I was just kind of Iying there, really not knowing what to do. 785 01:34:42,716 ---> 01:34:45,227 And then Simon woke up. 786 01:34:45,228 ---> 01:34:49,228 "Simon!", it was quite clearly a shout of my name. 787 01:34:50,156 ---> 01:34:54,156 I knew it was Joe actually, I knew immediately. 788 01:34:55,175 ---> 01:34:59,175 I was looking around, and then I saw this thing, floating. 789 01:35:03,425 ---> 01:35:07,425 Of course Simon exploded into action. 790 01:35:09,689 ---> 01:35:13,689 Suddenly I heard voices. 791 01:35:14,391 ---> 01:35:15,891 Apakah itu Anda? 792 01:35:15,892 ---> 01:35:19,892 I was holding back, because I didn't feel that was a human being out there. 793 01:35:35,906 ---> 01:35:39,903 And we went back up the stream, right from where these cries had come from, 794 01:35:39,904 ---> 01:35:43,904 about maybe 60-80 m outside the camp, and there was Joe. 795 01:35:50,552 ---> 01:35:54,552 I couldn't completely believe it, until I actually saw him, 796 01:35:54,970 ---> 01:35:57,970 but then it was still a little difficult to believe that, 797 01:35:57,971 ---> 01:36:01,971 because of the eerie night and the state he was in. 798 01:36:02,444 ---> 01:36:04,606 Absolutely awful state. 799 01:36:04,607 ---> 01:36:08,172 It was almost like he was a sort of ghost-like figure. 800 01:36:08,173 ---> 01:36:12,173 It was like I had to sort of pinch myself almost to believe this was true, 801 01:36:14,476 ---> 01:36:17,476 that this was really happening. 802 01:36:17,477 ---> 01:36:21,477 Bantu aku! - Oh fuck, Joe! 803 01:36:23,013 ---> 01:36:25,843 Simon, 804 01:36:25,844 ---> 01:36:29,844 he was swearing a lot. Swearing a lot. 805 01:36:31,309 ---> 01:36:33,197 Richard, lift him! 806 01:36:33,198 ---> 01:36:37,198 Richard, hold him, you stupid bastard! Lift him! 807 01:36:37,779 ---> 01:36:41,779 I remember Simon grabbing my shoulders, 808 01:36:42,467 ---> 01:36:46,216 and holding me. 809 01:36:46,217 ---> 01:36:48,979 I remember that. 810 01:36:48,980 ---> 01:36:52,980 That feeling of being held. 811 01:37:14,937 ---> 01:37:18,937 He thanked me for trying to get him down the mountain, 812 01:37:21,694 ---> 01:37:25,694 for all that I'd done up to the point, 813 01:37:26,190 ---> 01:37:29,490 where I cut the rope, 814 01:37:29,491 ---> 01:37:33,491 and he said to me, "I'd have done the same". 815 01:37:36,148 ---> 01:37:40,148 Those were the first words he uttered to me. 816 01:37:50,585 ---> 01:37:54,290 And I remember, before we'd done anything to him, before we'd even close the door, 817 01:37:54,291 ---> 01:37:56,715 he said, "Where are my trousers?" 818 01:37:56,716 ---> 01:38:00,716 We had to explain, that we burned his trousers, which made him quite angry. 819 01:38:02,718 ---> 01:38:06,718 And I think that kind of brought me back into life, to some extend. 820 01:38:06,755 ---> 01:38:10,755 realizing it was the same old Joe, back again.